What Really is Self-Actualization? An Inspiring Vision + 6 Tips
A Day in the Self-Actualized Life
Fueled by excitement and joy, the vitality of your being carries you out of bed in the morning.
You sit down on the meditation cushion in the corner of your room that you’ve dedicated to being your sanctuary, your shrine.
You close your eyes, feel into the depth of your heart, and conjure up all that you are grateful for in this life.
Love permeates throughout your entire chest. An enormous smile is spontaneously written across your face.
Thank you for Life.
You begin to enter into a deeper meditative state.
The world of thoughts, forms, and appearances fall away, and you are reminded of Who You Truly Are.
You are reminded that you are not the stories that you play in your head.
You are reminded that you are not the movie.
You are the entire movie screen (and the projector too).
You are eternal stillness. You are consciousness. You are Being. You are Life Itself.
And as long as you are tethered to this place, you know nothing could ever go wrong.
You ask: Life, what do you want from me today?
And Life gives the same answer she gives everyday: Love
Infused with joy in your heart, you rise out of your meditation cushion, walk out the front door, and into the majestic morning sun.
Being enlivened by her radiant glow, you take your morning stroll and contemplate what life demands from you today, and how you will tackle each moment with your purest presence.
Eventually you get to work, but it doesn’t feel like “work” because you are doing what you love.
You are giving your gifts.
Rather than work feeling like a “grind”, it feels like a continuous Flow State.
Everything seems to spontaneously and effortlessly happen on its own.
You’re completely present, you’re completely there, allowing this creative force that is Life itself to move your body.
After the day’s work is done, you spend your evening in communion with your lover, your family, or your friends, mutually giving, receiving, and expressing the Love that you are.
At the end of the day, you feel tired, but never drained.
You go to sleep feeling just as vital as when you woke up.
This is the self-actualized life.
This is the average day of what someone who is fully giving their unique gifts could look like.
I’ve been living a watered down version of this vision so far in 2024, and I’ve never felt more alive.
I feel the several years of personal development and spiritual work more deeply crystallizing itself into my day-to-day experience.
I feel myself more connected to my heart, to the Truth of who I am, than ever before.
There have been many happy, joyful cries in response to being grateful to be alive in this body at this time.
A Quick Note
Before we start, I want to give you a notice that 2 of 5 slots remain at the 80% off price for the Spiritual Fitness program.
It is an 8 week program designed to elevate your consciousness, build the muscles of mind, and catalyze your life purpose, so you can further cultivate the unique gifts you have to offer life.
If you are interested, watch the video on the Coaching tab of my website before applying.
The offer will blow you away.
What is Self-Actualization?
Today’s topic is: What really is Self-Actualization? (beyond the basic explanation)
Most of you have probably seen this graphic of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs before:
It’s basically the most well-known thing in psychology.
As you can see, the model categorizes our innate human needs and desires from most immediate to least immediate.
Once we have the more basic survival needs met, we can move to higher-order, more sophisticated needs such as friendship, social life, self-esteem, and eventually self-actualization.
Know that the model is not meant to be taken as a literal one-to-one, most people are occupied with multiple tiers at once. The model is just a generalization.
The model presented in the above image is the one that most people know, but did you know that Abraham Maslow actually updated the model later in his life?
The updated model is this:
As you can see, there are a few changes.
Cognitive and Aesthetic needs have been added above Esteem needs and below Self-Actualization.
This is because once one meets their deficiency needs, naturally the need for growth arises, and this manifests in the pursuit of knowledge, creativity, and the fulfillment of one’s highest potential.
In addition, Self-Transcendence was added above Self-Actualization.
Maslow defines transcendence as the following:
“Transcendence refers to the very highest and most inclusive or holistic levels of human consciousness, behaving and relating, as ends rather than means, to oneself, to significant others, to human beings in general, to other species, to nature, and to the cosmos.”
Maslow decided to add this tier because he felt the definition of self-actualization to excessively refer to individual success, and all evidence points towards the peak levels of human consciousness moving beyond the personal realm into the transpersonal realm.
This transpersonal realm deals with living with a purpose that extends beyond your own self, focuses on being rather than doing, transcending ego consciousness, and embodying unconditional love.
You can probably tell now that the description I gave of the self-actualized life sounds more like a description of the self-transcended life.
Know that my personal definition of self-actualization something like this:
Self-Actualization is the fulfillment of my highest potential, which is self-transcendence.
Basically, I still use the term self-actualization even though I am describing something more transcendent because self-actualization is the term everyone is familiar with.
Anyway, as the inner work I’ve been doing for years is further crystallizing itself into my experience, I thought I would reflect on my past, and provide some self-actualization tips I would have told my prior self.
Know that I am deviating a bit from the theory itself here, injecting my own opinions into the concept of self-actualization.
With that being said, let’s get started.
Get Your Baseline Needs Met ASAP
If you are struggling with basic health, with finances, with your self-esteem, that needs to be taken care of immediately.
Every sense of deficiency you have will bog you down and prevent your life’s greatest gifts from coming to fruition.
This is why Maslow labeled the first four tiers of the hierarchy as “deficient needs”
If you struggle with basic needs, from food/water to shelter to companionship to self-esteem, you are always operating from a sense of lack.
You feel incomplete. You are attempting to fill a void.
The greatest gifts you have to offer life cannot be born from this place.
These gifts are born from a place of wholeness, which comes from self-actualizing.
Virtually all of us feel deficient in some way, shape, or form, and we must be willing to admit that to ourselves.
The sad thing is, society ingrains into us the notion of never being satisfied until we have “more.”
And so we are never satisfied until we get that nice house, that sexy sports car, the most beautiful romantic partner, and so on.
And then once we do get those things, we crave for the next thing, and the next thing, which leaves one in a similar state to a rat on a wheel chasing the cheese forever.
This mindset keeps one in a state of deficiency forever.
Realize that the “something more” you crave is actually the need for growth.
This is the need to reach your potential, the self-actualized version of yourself.
It is Life itself calling you forward to step into your Highest Self.
If you aren’t doing this, you always feel it in your body, you will feel like something is wrong, that you could be doing “something more” with your life.
Listen to this intuitive feeling, follow it, and see where it takes you.
To do this, follow what elicits excitement out of you. Inquire into what makes you curious.
But, take care of your basic needs first. If you don’t, you will always be bogged down.
And sometimes you must be humble in order to do this.
I recently moved back in with my parents.
The busy life of working a job I did not like, a job that drained my energy, along with being in a relationship that was no longer in alignment with the calling of my heart left me feeling depressed and depleted.
Making this move allowed me to reevaluate my life, without having to worry about paying rent or bills.
Without this worry, I was able to allocate more time and energy to growth needs, and focus on my highest life callings without being bogged down as much by deficient needs.
Yeah, living with my parents is not ideal now that I am entering my mid 20’s, but it’s the best thing I could have done for my growth as a human.
And it took some humility to admit this.
Do what you need to in order to grow.
2. Live in Complete Openness, Be Fully Authentic, Own Your Truth, Confront the Shadow
A huge component of Self-Actualization is fully accepting yourself for who you are.
Without fully accepting yourself for who you are, you will continue to operate from a sense of deficiency.
You will alter, inhibit, and distort aspects of the Truth of who you are in order to be accepted by yourself, others, and society at large.
You will repress, deny, malform, and alienate any aspects of yourself that you see as unworthy of being loved.
You cannot reach a state of wholeness if you are not owning the whole of who you are.
Even if you see a component of yourself as wrong, scary, dark, evil, or problematic, the only way to transmute the darkness into light is through bringing these aspects of yourself to the surface and facing them fully.
This is owning your shadow.
A major component of my inner growth over the past several months has just been fully owning my desires, feelings, and the calling of my heart.
In the later part of 2023, I had begun to feel that the romantic relationship I was in was no longer right.
Yet, at the time, I was not fully admitting this truth to myself, and so my ego employed every possible defense mechanism in order to deny this truth.
I told myself I was just not loving her enough, and that if I just gave more things would turn out alright.
I told myself that I just wasn’t grateful enough for what I had.
I told myself I couldn’t be someone who inflicted that pain on others anyway.
My frustration from bottling up my Truth began to fizzle out in day-to-day life.
To further repress this frustration, I would smoke weed everyday, indulge in social media, indulge in “work”, watch porn, or any other activity that would take my mind off the issue.
Eventually, I moved home, and was able to face the issue with greater clarity.
The Truth shined bright rather quickly: I have to leave the relationship.
And so, I worked up the courage and ended the relationship.
Since then, I feel lighter, more whole, more emotionally in tune with myself, and in touch with the Truth of who I am more than ever before.
Since then, enormous amounts of creative energy have opened up to give to the world.
I’ve made some of my greatest content to date, done some of my best writing, and created the 8 Week Spiritual Fitness Program since that time.
And none of it would have been possible without being radically honest, facing my shadow, and owning my Truth.
This is just one, larger-order example of owning the shadow and facing the Truth, but we all come into contact with the shadow and face/avoid Truth everyday.
Every time you shy away from, avoid, or repress a negative feeling, you are denying the Truth of who you are.
This happens to you everyday in some form, I guarantee it.
Know that in every moment you are faced with a choice: To choose love or to choose fear, to open or close, to live in Truth or to live in falsehood.
Choose Love. Choose Openness. Choose Truth.
If you are able to do that in all instances you will become self-actualized.
3. Spend Lots of Time Alone
Spending alone time is a superpower that many people do not tap into.
It is essential for getting in touch with your intuition and the Truth of who you are.
And I’m talking about high-quality alone time here.
The type where you are having the courage to dive deep into your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and internal suffering.
Engage in awareness-building exercises.
Do stream of consciousness writings. You might just unearth your shadow.
Go on Nature Walks. It will enliven you and provide you with fresh perspectives.
Meditate. It will bring tranquility of mind.
Self-inquire. Dissect your direct experience. You might just have an awakening. You might just get in touch with the Truth of who you are.
The quality of your alone time will make or break your path of self-actualization.
Use this time wisely.
4. Be Open-Minded, Ask a TON of Questions, Think Big-Picture
Staying on the topic of openness, you must have an open-mind throughout this process.
Any ideology, dogma, or other form of philosophical clinging will limit you on this path.
Ask a TON of questions.
And in your questioning, you will need to be taking in LOTS of perspectives.
Read dozens of books, read articles, watch documentaries, listen to podcasts, and probe into your direct experience.
And don’t just consume content that confirms what you already believe.
You NEED to consume content that is new to you, content that perhaps directly contradicts what you believe.
There are thousands of different religious and philosophical points of view in this world, do you really think yours is the one correct one?
Be honest with yourself.
In doing this questioning and intaking various perspectives, there are two main traps to be aware of:
Filling in the void of not-knowing with some outlandish belief.
Thinking all perspectives/worldviews are equal, and that thus Truth is completely relative.
The first trap occurs due to the ego’s need to feel safe, grounded, and make sense of reality.
When in a state of not-knowing, the ego can feel threatened and so naturally it fills in the void with a belief so as to give itself a sense of safety, security, or even pride.
Become aware of this mechanism and seek to be moved by it as little as possible.
When you don’t know something, truly be okay with it.
From a sense of detachment, sit and watch your mind dance around the paradox.
It is only from this state of not-knowing that Genuine Insight arises.
You will know when it arises.
The second trap occurs when one does not have a strong internal radar for synthesizing the perspectives they intake.
Without some sort of truth metric to sort out the perspectives they intake, one can become confused on who is right, who is wrong, and what the “right” path to follow is.
The solution is to be a perspective harmonizer.
A perspective harmonizer recognizes that all worldviews humans hold have a place in the big picture.
That is, all perspectives have some truth to them, but some are more truthful than others.
Generally speaking, the perspectives that are most truthful/valid are the ones that are most inclusive of other perspectives.
If you find yourself intaking a perspective with titles like “The Democrat Party Hates America” or “All Trump Supporters Have Lost Their Minds” then you know the perspective is an inherently partial perspective because there is a failure to truly see opposing sides, to truly understand how and why these people think the way they do.
In self-actualization work, we are after a big-picture understanding of reality, and if you rationalize others away as being crazy or downright wrong, you probably are not truly seeing them.
If you want to become a better perspective harmonizer, I recommend studying Ken Wilber’s Integral Theory.
If you are able to stay open-minded, can sit with not-knowing, and have a solid metric for sorting all the perspectives you intake, your growth will absolutely skyrocket, guaranteed.
5. Focus on being more, and less on doing
In my writing, I talk a lot about finding your unique gifts and giving them to the world.
How these gifts manifest will look different from person to person, but the underlying process to how these gifts come to fruition is mostly the same for everyone.
The ultimate gift you can give to the world is the pure, loving, authentic energy you radiate from embodying your most mature, self-actualized, version.
This gift is on the order of being. It’s how you are in the world.
And this mode of being comes about through being fully present, open, authentic, and in tune with the Truth of who you are.
This way of being is of primary importance, as your way of doing (work, career, impact on world) naturally reflects your way of being.
Most people have this process backwards, as they think that what they do will lead them to embody how they want to be.
This is wrong.
Be authentically who you are, and then you will automatically do what is a reflection of that mode of being.
If you become overly fixated on doing something or having/getting something, you will generate an unsustainable high in dopamine that will inevitably crash, leaving you depleted when you are done “doing” or having that “thing.”
For example, I would smoke weed in order to have an escape from everyday life.
In dissociating, I could go to a different place where I felt distant from these problems.
When I was back to a “normal” state of mind, I would feel even worse than before, making me want to smoke again.
I was doing this escapist tendency as a result of unwhole/fragmented being.
Had I chosen to do the inner work and face Truth, I would have done something completely different and more conscious.
6. Don’t Play to “Win”
The Game of Life is not a game you can win.
If you think you can “win” Life, you are delusional.
Life is a game that is meant to be played for the joy of playing.
When you play to “win”, you play a finite game.
A finite game in the sense that you live life within a boundary, a set of rules, a clearly defined beginning and end point, and with people who “win”, and people who “lose.”
Every move made within this boundary is made for the purpose of winning, whether it be a physical reward, money, or some sort of status symbol that recognizes the player as the worthy recipient of the prize.
Think: Winning a sports game, working towards a job promotion, acquiring x amount of money, acquiring a mansion, etc.
Now, these things are not inherently bad to pursue.
What’s bad is becoming entranced with the mindset of always being a winner.
When an entire society is entranced with this mindset, a world of Haves and Have Nots is created.
Think: Slavery, Imperialism, the fact that the richest 1% own over 50% of the world’s wealth why the poorest 50% own less than 1% of the world’s wealth (Globalcitizen.org), the fact that CEOs make over 800x the average worker’s pay (Sinek).
In addition, being entranced with a finite mindset can bring a lot of difficult to your own life too, leading to:
short-sightedness
falling out of touch with purpose
missing opportunities for growth
creating conflict within our personal and professional relationships (as a result of constantly viewing others as competition)
experiencing unhealthy levels of stress and anxiety
My friend, stop thinking you can “win” Life.
Stop playing the finite game, and play the Infinite game.
Play not within a boundary, but towards the horizon, towards the endless possibility of whatever you can envision.
Imagine a future state so beautiful, great, grand, and high, that tears come to your eyes.
What is this world like? What are the inhabitants of this world like? What do they do with their lives? What is their reason for living? What is the government like? What is the economic structure?
Be so idealistic that the vision could not possibly come to life in this lifetime, but be so moved by the vision that you are willing to work your entire life towards the cause.
Be a world-citizen in your vision, not a citizen of your community or nation (because that’s a boundary!)
Seek to be the inhabitant of this future state.
Welcome everyone into your vision, oppose nothing and welcome everything.
Notice your desire for finite games, even continue to play them, but don’t take them too seriously. Don’t become entranced.
Be as detailed as possible, and write the Infinite vision down.
This vision is your compass, and without a strong compass, you will inevitably veer off course and get sucked back into finite-thinking.
Here are few aspects of my vision:
The exploitation of humans and the environment for profit becomes alien, businesses are defined by how they serve, not by profit.
Success of a society is not defined by how many jobs it creates and what its GDP is, but by how happy, healthy, fulfilled, and conscious the citizens are.
“Political borders fade as communities no longer define themselves by nationality, but by mutual respect, shared values, and collective responsibility.”
Adult development is recognized and encouraged - communities and institutions help one develop new skills, learn new perspectives, self-actualize, and self-transcend no matter one’s age.
Psychedelics and other plant-medicines become commonly used healers to aid this process
Cities are nature-dominant rather than human and human-structure dominant
The most looked up to people are the most wise, rather than the most rich and powerful.
See how this is so idealistic that it could not possibly be actualized in my lifetime?
Really, these are only finite markers within the Infinite Game, which is about cultivating a species-wide enlightened consciousness.
But the point is not to actualize the vision.
The point is to be someone who inhabits this future state before it even exists, so as to ripple your consciousness into the collective, and inspire others to join in on your Infinite Game.
I hope you are continuing to notice this emphasis on being!
This Infinite Vision is the container through which you live your life.
Given this enormous, flexible container, you are free to flow with life, follow excitement, and do whatever elicits the most love in the moment.
Going with the flow and living with direction/purpose are not mutually exclusive, in fact I would say it is essential to be able to do both in your life.
Really, this is about integrating masculine and feminine.
But, this newsletter is getting too long, that can be a topic for another time.
Some Final Words
Most people have no clue how beautiful life can be, how beautiful this world is, and what it could become.
The path to creating a more mature, whole, harmonious world lies in you stepping into your most mature, whole, harmonious version.
Your self-actualized version!
The power is in your hands.
My Offers
If you want to take your personal development to the next level (the transpersonal level), then the 8 Week Spiritual Program could be valuable to you.
As mentioned earlier, there are only 2 of 5 slots left at the 80% off price.
Watch the video on the Coaching tab of my website before applying
I’ll also embed the video at the bottom of this page.
Have a great day, and peace be with you!