The Spiritual Ego - How Spirituality Can Massively Trigger the Ego
“The only thing worse than materialistic people is spiritual people.” - Leo Gura
Human Needs
As human beings, we have needs.
The varying needs of humans are beautifully articulated in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
First and foremost, we require basic survival needs such as food, water, shelter, and financial stability.Once these needs are taken care of, naturally one’s focus shifts to meeting psychological needs such as social needs that includes friendship and intimacy, as well as esteem needs such as confidence, achievement, and finding one’s unique identity.
These first 4 rungs of the hierarchy are what Maslow calls “deficient needs”, because without these basic physical and social survival needs met, one is always operating from a sense of lack.
But, once these needs are met, naturally the need for growth arises.
This is articulated by the term self-actualization, which represents the need for one to become the most they can be.
Typically, this term refers to:
Developing one’s unique talents and capabilities
Pursuing knowledge, understanding, and creativity
Achieving a deep sense of meaning and purpose in life
Aligning one’s actions with their core values and beliefs
Individuals who operate in the domain of self-actualization are often viewed as autonomous, creative, ethically sound, and alive individuals who have a passion for life.
Transcendent Realms of Consciousness
In addition, Maslow added another tier above self-actualization later on in his life, because he felt the term self-actualization did not fully encapsulate what a human being is most capable of.
Naturally, Maslow says, as one comes to meet the need of reaching their own individual potential, the desire to transcend the separate self-sense mode of operation entirely comes online.
He called this self-transcendence.
It is in these transcendent realms that one:
develops a deeper appreciation of beauty, truth, and the interconnectedness of things
feels increasingly drawn to serve humanity and Life as a whole
experiences the blurring of egoic boundaries, leading to increased empathy and compassion
experiences non-dual states, in which subject-object boundaries dissolve entirely
It is in these self-actualization and self-transcendent realms that we begin to touch upon what spirituality is at its core.
That is, the coming back to our true nature, to our essential interconnectedness and oneness with the entire universe.
Spiritual Ego - What It Is and How It Develops
It often happens that an individual has a peak experience that allows them to glimpse these transcendent realms, whether that be from a deep meditative experience, a psychedelic trip, or through some other kind of spontaneous opening in consciousness.
It also often happens that an individual takes ideas and concepts that describe these realms, causing them to believe they know what the transcendent is all about, when they have never actually had a direct experience of it.
It is typically from this place that the spiritual ego is created.
Now what is the spiritual ego?
Well, to first describe what the spiritual ego is, we must first describe what ego is.
And put simply, the ego is the mind’s operating program.
The function of this program is to construct a sense of self/personal identity that renders the individual as a distinct entity from the outer world.
With this, the ego essentially becomes the filter for reality, constructing it in such a way that allows one to survive and thrive within the world.
And this ego is composed of an enormous tapestry of beliefs, labels, thought patterns, associations, emotions, and behaviors that takes shape throughout the course of one’s life.
Therefore, when one takes on the identity of being “spiritual”, the spiritual ego is created.
Taking on this identity is not a good nor bad thing.
It is a completely neutral thing. It is simply a label that you ascribe to your self-concept.
But the spiritual ego can become a toxic thing when one uses spiritual ideas, concepts, and practices as a means not to spread Love, Truth, and good energy, but to gratify their own, egoic needs.
That is, the needs that have to do with Maslow’s “deficient” needs.
You see, the ego has this tendency to desire whatever it needs to in order to survive and thrive.
When unchecked, this manifests in a rather hedonistic drive: the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain.
And an enormous component of self-actualization and transcendence is embracing and honoring the WHOLE of you.
In choosing wholeness, it is easy to honor and embrace the likable parts of you, the “good stuff.”
But what isn’t so easy to honor is your ugliness, struggles, flaws, and things you would rather ignore.
The ego hates this.
The ego doesn't want to honor any part of itself it deems as “bad”, painful, unacceptable, or unworthy.
So when one is living with a strong attachment to ego, naturally the ego will twist and contort spiritual messages, ideas, concepts, and practices to suit its own needs.
There are several ways this can occur, and we will dive into the subtlety and nuance in how the spiritual ego operates.
Spiritual Bypassing
One of the most common ways the spiritual ego manifests is through spiritual bypassing, which involves using spiritual ideas and practices to avoid dealing with uncomfortable feelings and unresolved wounds.
A few examples of how this can manifest are:
Saying “everything happens for a reason” to avoid feeling pain
Being so in the clouds that you neglect practical issues and needs
Staying in “non-attachment” as a means to avoid commitment, or to emotionally disconnect
Excessively intellectualizing on spiritual concepts without integrating them into your way of being
Looking for a silver bullet insight from psychedelics or altered states of consciousness to save you
These types of things occur because we would rather not deal with the pain we feel deep down, so we put a bandage on the wound (without getting to its roots), and walk away thinking we’re all enlightened and shit.
This is utter bullshit.
Inevitably, what gets pushed into the shadow will have to get dealt with at some point.
The facade of equanimity cannot be held up forever.
The result of continual spiritual bypassing is stunted psychological, emotional, and spiritual growth.
If one continues to do this, they will become a hedonist who blindly reacts to their impulses, forever pursuing their next hit of dopamine while doing whatever they can to avoid the pain they feel within.
This is the literal opposite of freedom, and that’s what we all seek deep down at the end of the day.
Embrace the whole of who you are, in all of your beauty, and in all of your ugliness.
Let the good times come to you, but don’t get lost in them. Don’t become addicted to them.
When pain comes around, sit with it. Feel it fully.
That’s the most “spiritual” thing you can do.
Self-Inflation
Another way the spiritual ego can manifest is through self-inflation.
This type of spiritual ego manifests when one is struggling with the needs in the “social” and “esteem” tier of Maslow’s hierarchy.
And so, they use spirituality in order to boost their self-image.
A few ways this can manifest is:
Using spiritual attainments to feel superior to others
Boasting about insights/realizations
Using spiritual jargon to appear more enlightened
Judging others as being less developed or less spiritual
Seeking validation for one’s “spiritual” way of life
Constantly comparing one’s spiritual progress to others
In my experience, engaging in these self-inflative aspects has stemmed from a core sense of insecurity and inadequacy in my self-image (esteem tier).
When taken to an extreme, this can potentially manifest in a complex.
We’ve all heard of the archetype of the guru whose ego has run amok, leading him to believe he is infallible and has obtained some special sense of enlightenment, demanding blind obedience from his followers.
We’ve also all heard of the archetype of the savior, the one who believes he is destined to save the world and “enlighten” others.
These are two manifestations of spiritual narcissism, which is spiritual ego taken to an extreme.
Everyone Deals with Spiritual Ego
The important thing to remember here is that every person who considers themselves “spiritual” deals with spiritual ego.
Unless you are a fully enlightened being (which probably none of you are or else I doubt you would be reading this), you are going to experience some ego backlash as you navigate the spiritual waters.
While most of us will not develop a nasty narcissistic complex around spirituality, the spiritual ego will still manifest in our experience in often subtle ways, causing inner turmoil and suffering, closing down a genuine, authentic engagement with life.
Some of the more subtle ways spiritual ego can manifest are:
Holding oneself to nearly impossible high standards of behavior
Feeling guilt or shame when falling short of perceived spiritual ideals
Feeling a sense of “knowing better” without openly expressing it
Consistently positioning oneself as the teacher/giver in spiritual contexts
Rushing through spiritual practices to achieve results
These 5 bullet points here are pure projections, aspects of my psyche that I’ve had to deal with and integrate on my journey.
The most salient quality of my spiritual ego (and just ego in general) is the extremely high standards I set for myself.
This is something I’ve done for my entire life, and feeling guilt for falling short of my aspirations is an emotion I have felt time and time again.
In school, I always wanted to get the highest grades.
In my time of playing basketball, I always expected championships, and would feel terrible about myself if I had a bad game.
In my online business, I unreasonably would create 60 hours of work per week for myself and expect to get it all done.
In engaging with other people, both in my everyday life and with my coaching clients, I always expected myself to be fully sharp, engaged, heart-open, and high energy 24/7.
In spirituality, and in learning about ego developmental stage theories, I would push and strive to “get to the end”, that is to a non-dual or enlightened way of being.
And every time, I would feel bad about myself for failing to live up to these unrealistically high standards I set for myself.
In reflecting, I see at its core that much of these high standards are rooted in the noble desire to be a good person and to serve others, but my ego contorts it, taking it to an extreme, striving to “be the best” in whatever the subject matter is.
And becoming overly attached to this best version creates a deep-seated lack of contentment with the present moment, perpetuating the desire to always be elsewhere, to be somewhere perceived as “better.”
When in this mode of consciousness, one cannot truly be content with what is.
They cannot savor the sweetness of the present moment, which really is what spirituality is all about.
In this, I would even rush through spiritual practices, meditating out of a feeling of obligation, without fully engaging with the practice.
So, in a sense, true spiritual progress at this point would be to be content with any appearance, even the appearance of “not progressing.”
…
Another significant aspect of my spiritual ego was illuminated through posting content online.
I would get obsessed with how many views, likes, comments, and shares a particular video was getting, and would sacrifice my own authenticity at the expense of more attention (which meant more money and validation for me).
This caused my old YouTube channel, The Curious Minds, to become overrun with people who were not part of my ideal audience, as I was always catering to the types of videos that would get the most views.
And so, rather than attracting people who were devoted to their personal growth, self-actualization, and transcendence, I instead attracted tens of thousands of people who were interested in having psychedelic experiences in order to experience “something cool”, or to escape their life.
Of course, I did attract some of my ideal audience, which I am extremely grateful for, but the percentage was small compared to my total subscriber base.
As I realized what had happened, I began the Wyeth Sterling channel and this Waves of Wisdom newsletter so I could have a community with only people who were part of my ideal audience.
This was a difficult shift to make that likely cost me several thousand dollars, but it was a shift that I felt was necessary in order to remain authentic to my values.
Through it all, there is still an ego component to posting content and having a consistent online presence.
I recognize that many people look up to me as being someone who has knowledge that can help them.
I have also recognized that in my case it may be advantageous to continue putting on the facade of always having the knowledge as it may help me get more views and land more clients.
(this is not true at all, there are so many things I don’t know. I just share what has helped me and what I believe can help others).
With this, when posting a video I have incessantly thought about how I will be perceived, if the content will land with the viewer, and if the message was truly a good one or not.
This has led to a sort of perfectionistic tendency that has caused me to post content slowly and rather sporadically, as I have regularly fine-tuned my writing and video-editing projects.
(what has felt authentic recently is just turning on the camera and speaking with little plan beforehand)
While these are just a few facets of my spiritual ego, they are all aspects that have taken me away from the present moment, generating inner turmoil about my self-image and perceived progress in my life.
I don’t claim to be completely free from these egoic mechanisms, but I am much more accepting of them, and I feel far less inner turmoil than I did a few years ago relating to the spiritual domain.
I was able to achieve this through:
Accepting my flaws, struggles, and weaknesses
Accepting myself for where I am at
Cultivating greater awareness of my inner critic
Choosing what my heart feels is the “right” thing, rather than what my ego’s immediate desire is
Knowing the greatest service I can do for the world is being authentically myself
Illuminating Your Spiritual Ego
While these are a few faces of my spiritual ego, the faces of your spiritual ego may be quite different.
The first step towards freeing yourself from the shackles of your spiritual ego is to first gain awareness of it.
Ask yourself these questions to jumpstart your contemplation:
Why am I really on this “spiritual” path?
Do I feel a need to prove my spirituality to myself or others?
Do I use spirituality as a way to feel more special, or different than others?
Am I being truly honest with myself about my spiritual realizations and insights?
Are there aspects of my life that I cover up or avoid in the name of spirituality?
Do I feel a need to appear wise and enlightened?
Can I admit that I’m wrong, or that I don’t know something in spiritual conversations?
Am I applying these spiritual insights to my daily life, or are they just concepts?
How do I respond to criticism about my spiritual beliefs and practices?
As you are contemplating these questions and going about your path, whatever you do, don’t fall into the trap of thinking you must reach some state of enlightenment or maximum wisdom as fast as possible.
The ego is not the enemy, you are not meant to “get rid of” it or “kill” it.
It is a part of you, and as you transcend its limiting aspects, you still hold it within you.
You are a human, and you have needs.
Rather than trying to transcend to some high place, honor your basic needs.
If you don’t have consistent access to quality food, water, and shelter, or if you are still dealing with significant financial security, take care of that stuff first and come back to the deeper spiritual stuff later.
If you don’t experience a sense of belonging and inclusion with other humans, or if you don’t feel comfortable in your identity, these are needs that need to get met.
Maslow’s hierarchy is a hierarchy for a reason.
There are simply certain, baseline needs that must be satisfied before higher, growth needs can fully be pursued.
If you neglect these more basic needs in the name of spirituality, your ego will unconsciously end up contorting this “spirituality” in order to satisfy its own unmet needs.
This is how things get toxic and self-serving within spiritual circles.
Conclusion
Ultimately, being “spiritual” is not a big deal.
You don’t have to fixate on it so much.
You don’t have to construct some grand identity out of it.
It’s just a way of relating to life, no different nor better than any other way of relating to life.
Some good markers to determine how you are progressing spiritually is:
How capable you are of loving yourself and others, flaws and all
How naturally kindness flows from your being
How authentic you feel (as opposed to putting on a mask)
How willing you are to be ordinary, rather than special.
How easily you can laugh at yourself, especially your spiritual pretensions
How capable you are of staying equanimous through hardship
How able you are to take inspired action without attachment to outcome
How able you are to see beauty and truth in many different forms and disciplines, not just your particularly belief system
How ALIVE you feel
These are just a few markers, but the general feeling you should have is one of increasing wholeness, joy, authenticity, and liveliness.
When ensnared by the spiritual ego, you will constantly be operating from a sense of lack, worrying about your self-image and craving validation.
Ultimately, do you feel you are becoming more Truly Who You Are? Or do you feel like you have to uphold an image?
I invite you to drop the facade and just be who you truly are, flaws and all.
That’s the most spiritual thing you can do.
Offers
If you want to step more fully into who you truly are, my 10 week coaching program, Spiritual Fitness, may be a wise investment into your growth.
This program is more affordable than other life-coaching programs, and results are guaranteed so long as you put in the required 5 hours of exercises per week.
In addition, consider joining the Soulful Synergy Sanctuary, it’s an online community I built a couple months ago with the intention of uniting people on the path of self-actualization and spiritual growth.
We have weekly community calls every sunday, and meditation hour every wednesday.
I hope to see you there!
As always guys, have a great day and peace!