The Pain of Starting a One-Person Business From Scratch
The Pain of Starting a Business From Scratch
Building a business from scratch, especially by oneself, is one of the most difficult things to achieve.
While I knew this in my mind before I began my endeavors, the truth is now pummeling me, as tolls on my mental health have already begun.
I try to spend as many hours as humanly possible outside of my restaurant service job (30ish hours per week) doing work for the business, but I am finding this amount of time to be very limited when accounting for cooking, working out, going for walks, and socializing.
Some days I can only manage to squeeze in 1-2 hours of work.
But as the weeks have gone by, remaining in an inconsistent sleep schedule due to late nights bartending or working in the kitchen, I find myself increasingly tired, distracted, irritable, and missing deadlines.
As I miss deadlines, the self-doubt creeps in.
What if people do not resonate with my message? Am I even sending them the right message at all? Maybe I cannot tell a good story. Is it even worth it to make reels since a 60 second clip lacks nuance? Maybe I don’t have what it takes to be a good coach. Am I naive to think that I can really make this business work?
As the self-doubt creeps in, my mind looks for methods to erase the doubt by constantly checking Youtube or Instagram in hopes that a video or reel blew up or that I received a positive comment.
It has become an unhealthy cycle.
I know that the beginning of starting a business is always the most difficult, especially when one cannot do it full-time and must work another job to pay the bills.
I have been able to find some peace through meditating and going on walks as these practices allow me to zoom out and see the bigger picture.
I continually remind myself that I am playing the long game. Nothing great is built in one week, one month, or even one year.
Due to a variety of factors, I had become fixated on the goal of doing this work full-time, being creatively autonomous, and being able to set my own schedule.
I was lapsing into mind states that made me forget what I am really doing here: helping to make the world a more conscious, loving place.
The warm feeling in my heart that drove me to start this whole thing in the first place morphed into “I just want 1,000 subscribers so I can get monetized”, “Fuck, I have to edit this video”, and “Ughh I have to learn how to use this new gimbal so I can get better shots so my videos are more engaging so I can get more views.”
In contemplating this, it scared me a bit that I have moments where I lose touch with this purpose at times, which ultimately lead me to honing in on two aspects: Improving my ability to self-structure my days and putting my energy into the most important aspects of the business.
The Importance of Self-Structure
I have long wanted to be my own boss and schedule my days however I deem most suitable.
To my 17 year old self, this seemed like heaven.
To my now 22 year old self, I realize that this lifestyle can be both a blessing and a curse.
It can be one of life’s greatest blessings in the sense that one can choose their own creative projects and structure their time that is most optimal for their lifestyle.
But it can be a curse if one is not extremely disciplined. With all this freedom, it becomes difficult to stay clear of distractions.
When I should be focused on a specific task, I often find myself scrolling Instagram, watching Youtube, browsing the Internet, and jumping from task to task while I should be directing my energy towards one at a time.
The phrase “discipline or die” has been swirling around in my mind for a while.
This is because I know that if I do not carry out the work days that I structure for myself, then I will never make this business work, thus not achieve creative autonomy, and thus not be able to carry out the projects (books, courses, potentially films) that I see as allowing me to have the greatest impact.
In a recent stream of consciousness writing in which I brainstormed ways I could cultivate this discipline, I identified the 3 to 4 easiest, yet most impactful things I could change about my days to put me back on the right track.
1. Before bed, I would plan out the entirety of my next day, and schedule it in my daily planner app
2. Before going to bed, put my phone in the lockbox and set the timer to unlock at breakfast time the next day (this is so I have a good start to my day without going on my phone)
3. Put the phone back in the lockbox during deep work time.
Although life can be more complicated than this and I have not been perfect in sticking to these habits, I try my best and already am having a higher work output than last week.
In all of this, I have gained an appreciation for institutions that instill a structure into its members (students, employees, etc.).
I sometimes forget how easy it was to get in the routine of showing up to class at the same time every day.
There was the knowing that I had to be there or else I would miss an important test, lesson, or activity that would significantly drop my grade if I missed it.
But that same drive to show up to class, which had become so ingrained in me it seemed to happen automatically, now is being transmuted into showing up for myself, in my business.
It’s just a change in structure, and this change takes time as I optimize my home and work environment that allows me to show up most effectively.
Time Constraints Force You to Focus on What is Important
In all of this, I have become brutally aware of the fact that I do not have time for everything I was originally hoping to incorporate into my business, at least for the time being.
In hindsight, it was probably a bit unrealistic to think that, while working at another job 30 hours per week, that I could:
Write a 2000ish page newsletter every week
Produce a 20-30 minute, high-quality Youtube video (that incorporates a short cinematic film/skit within) 1-2 times per month
Post 2-3 reels and 1-2 threads to Instagram per week
Conduct several coaching calls per week (this has not picked up much yet)
Workout 3-5 days per week
Have adequate time to hang out with friends and girlfriend.
I recognize that it is a theme in my life that I try to steamroll ahead and get as much work done as possible, and that I end up feeling bad about myself when I don’t live up to these unrealistic expectations.
Given that attempting to live up to my high expectations is causing a significant toll on my mental health, I have decided it is time to pivot and focus on what is most important.
In doing all of this work, it is clear to me what I love doing most: writing
I love using my mind, such as what I am doing right now, to organize my insights about how to help solve a problem.
I feel the need to write often, several times per week, as it is the most effective way I found to organize my loud and jumpy mind.
If I don’t write, my mind becomes overwhelmed with clusters of random thoughts, making it harder for me to focus on anything.
I like to move from idea to idea quickly, and I realize that my plan to only post one youtube video per month is not going to work.
I was hoping that by making the youtube video super high-quality, filled with cinematic clips and transitions, enfolded within a story that is told in an inspiring way, that I would grow faster.
But as I wrap up my third Youtube video to be posted sometime next week, I am completely over the message behind the video.
I don’t care much about it anymore, and my mind just wants to move onto the next story.
Luckily, my least favorite part about the work I do is all the tedious video editing, so I am making the decision to cut this part of the work significantly, in favor of creating shorter videos (10 to 15 minutes instead of 25 to 30), in which the story is primarily told by my voice in its delivery, rather than the visuals on the screen (as much).
I still feel attracted to the idea of cinematography and short films, but perhaps this is something to consider more at a later time when I am able to afford a video editor.
But for now, I will be leaning into what I am best at.
My weekly newsletters will become the backbone of my business, serving as the fountain for short form content (threads, reels, tweets) and providing an outline of what my Youtube videos will be about.
The Start vs. The End (and the necessity of authenticity)
“At the start, you create to make money. In the end, you make money to create.” - Dan Koe
This quote by Dan Koe is one that has been seeping into my consciousness lately.
But I also remain critical of the quote as well.
I believe from start to finish (if there really ever is a finish line), that one must always stick to their core values in whatever they are creating.
For me, put simply, this is helping individuals evolve their consciousness through sharing wisdom, telling stories, and stressing the importance of life purpose.
Because if you lack authenticity in your work, your audience will not be drawn to you for you, but rather they will be drawn to whatever crap you put out in order to grab their attention because you just want to make money.
This is not sustainable in the long run, because when you pivot to where your true interests lie, your audience will likely not follow you.
This is exactly what happened when I shifted from talking solely about psychedelics on my old youtube channel, The Curious Minds, to talking about spirituality and personal development.
My videos went from getting tens of thousands of views per video, some videos had multiple hundreds of thousands, one over a million, to getting around 2,000 views per video.
When I completely shifted businesses, out of 37,000+ subscribers, only a couple hundred of these people followed me.
While I am immensely grateful for the small community I retained, it was basically like starting from square one again.
And the thing is, at the beginning of starting a business, there is a strong necessity to capture attention (and thus make money so the work can be done full-time).
And I have found it difficult to stay fully authentic, especially when it comes to short-form content.
Another reason I like writing is because it allows me to speak with lots of nuance.
I hesitate to put out such short-form content because I feel that saying things like “At the start, you create to make money. In the end, you make money to create.” can easily be interpreted the wrong way.
I am sure that Dan Koe knows that one must always create with one’s core pillars in mind, but at the same time some nut might interpret this as “Let me create whatever will make the most money (while having virtually no authentic message behind the brand), and then once I have the money I can create what I really want.”...and then this person gets baffled when his audience doesn’t follow him when he starts creating about his true passions.
My point is that short-form content inherently lacks nuance, but at the same time short-form content is essential for building an audience.
And although I continue to have these qualms about content in the short-form, I ultimately come to the conclusion that all I can do is say my message as clearly as possible, with the utmost intention behind it, but that other people’s interpretations of the message I cannot control.
But yes, Dan, ultimately I agree with your quote.
In the end, the very end, probably over a decade from now, the money I make will probably go into creating films and/or novels that give people an “awe” response to the universe. Similar to how, at a young age, the movie Interstellar made me fall in love with inquiring into the possibilities of what this mysterious universe could be.
But creating to make money does not necessitate sacrificing authenticity, or fun, in the work.
Some Final Words
Thank you for sticking with me to the end of this newsletter.
I know it was a bit different than the formats of the other ones, as this piece was more personal.
But I felt an enormous urge to write, as I had not written a thoroughly thought-out piece in nearly a month.
I honestly had no idea where I was going to take this one, or that I was even going to turn it into Newsletter #5 at all (I decided this like halfway through lol), I just knew I was feeling pain in my heart and I needed to put my mind to work to organize the cluster of thoughts that had been building inside me.
After writing this piece, I feel way better than before I started, fueled with confidence about my future projects and the way I am going to direct my energy going forward.
If none of the business stuff you can relate to, I hope this can at least be an example of how thorough, intentional writing, can help alleviate a buildup of negative mental energy.
With love and intention,
Wyeth