The Ego: A Deep Dive Into the Mind’s Operating Program
Common Cultural Understandings of Ego are Incomplete
The word “ego” is thrown around all the time in mainstream speak.
Don’t let your ego get in the way, they say.
That’s just your ego talking.
Keep your ego in check.
These sayings represent the common cultural understanding of ego as a source of arrogance, pride, self-inflation, and delusion.
They also highlight the commonly held notion that allowing the ego to dominate one’s experience can become toxic.
You will also hear various spiritual teachers say things like:
the ego is the belief in the false self
the ego is the source of all suffering
Surrender the ego to the divine
While I agree with the essence of these spiritual sayings, I also have seen how they confuse a lot of people, leading to misinterpretation.
Being fed with these cultural and spiritual notions of ego has led many to believe that the ego is bad, or even worse, that the ego is the “enemy.”
There is actually a New York Times bestselling book with this exact title.
Trust me, Instagram comments are filled with these people, and I’ve wasted too much time in these comment sections voicing my opinions that rarely get heard.
The funny thing is, the notion that the ego is something to avoid or eradicate is a statement that comes from….can you guess it?.....the ego!
In viewing the ego this way, you become your own enemy. You become the snake biting its own tail.
The ego is not merely pride or arrogance or self-inflation or delusion.
Sure these things manifest from ego, but the totality of what makes up an ego is so much more complex than that.
What if I told you that it is impossible to escape the ego?
What if I told you that the ego is actually one of the most beautiful features of existence?
And what if I told you that you could upgrade your ego throughout your life, leading to a more harmonious, love-based existence, as opposed to a fear-based existence?
This would all be helpful to know, wouldn’t it?
My intention behind writing this post is to fully illuminate the inner workings of the ego, so that you can go forward in your evolution as a human being with greater awareness, acceptance, and embrace of this part of you that we call “the ego.”
Let’s ride.
Why Understanding the Ego is So Damn Important
Because this post is a bit of a longer one, and I don’t want to waste your time, I want to tell you why understanding the ego is so damn important.
While we will get into a more elaborate explanation of what the ego is later on, put simply, the ego is who you think you are.
It is your self-concept.
And this sense of self is composed of an enormous tapestry of beliefs, labels, thought patterns, associations, emotions, and behaviors that have taken shape throughout the course of your life.
Most people take this sense of self for granted.
They think who they are is just who they are.
But what all spiritual teachings point towards, across all regions and time periods, is the notion that YOU ARE NOT YOUR EGO.
Who you think you are is not actually Who You Are.
For most people, the ego is operating as the SUBJECT of their experience, meaning their consciousness is fused to their notions of who they think they are.
They are blindly identified with their sense of self.
But what if we made the ego the OBJECT of our experience?
What if we took a step back in our awareness, and chose to see the patterns and manifestations of ego as fleeting appearances in our experience, no different than the trees blowing in the wind or the cars bustling on the street?
This notion of taking a step back and being present with whatever is in our awareness is essentially what mindfulness meditation is.
In fact, the dictionary definition of mindfulness is “maintaining a moment to moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens.”
Similar to weightlifting, mindfulness is a muscle that can be built up through consistent practice of fully attuning our awareness to the present moment. This is typically thought of as meditative practice.
Of course, mindfulness is not the only tool for increasing ego awareness, but it is the most essential in my opinion.
In addition to mindfulness, you can:
Engage in reflective journaling
Seek honest feedback on your personality and behaviors from a close friend
Expose yourself to new experiences (and notice the walls your ego throws up throughout this process).
Engage in conscious psychoactive substance use
During this process of more deeply understanding your ego, think of yourself as walking through a dark cave with a lantern.
Your aim is to ILLUMINATE the totality of the cave, to know all of its ins and outs and twists and turns.
With this heightened self-awareness, you gain greater insight into your patterns of thought, allowing you to recognize limiting beliefs, biases, and reactive tendencies that may be holding you back.
With this also comes greatly enhanced emotional regulation.
By seeing the ego as an object in one’s experience, one is no longer so fused to the ego’s habitual tendencies.
This distance between awareness and self allows for healthier coping strategies to be adopted, allowing for a greater sense of equilibrium in the midst of life’s challenges.
With increased ego awareness, you will also find yourself making higher-quality decisions.
Because you are no longer so clouded by the ego’s reactive evaluations, judgments, and impulses, you will more easily be able to make conscious decisions that are in alignment with your deepest values and long-term goals that serve the well-being of all.
With all of these shifts, you will find your relationships improving dramatically.
Because you are not so blindly attached to the ways of ego in your interactions with others, which are often fueled by a need for self-protection or self-inflation, you will be more able to truly listen to, see, and understand other people.
By getting your ego out of the way, space opens for true connection to take place. Connection that is rooted in genuine understanding, love for, and concern for the other person.
And it’s not just space for connection with others that opens up, space for connection with the entire world and universe opens up.
This is a deeply spiritual thing we are talking about here, with virtually every spiritual tradition emphasizing the importance of ego-transcendence: the letting go of the limitations of the contracted, personal identity into the expansive, universal sense of self.
Imagine what a truly ego-aware world would look like.
Do you see the vision here?
Do you not instantly intuit how much more peaceful this planet would be?
The hallmark of ego development is an increase in openness and flexibility in one’s experience.
And the reason for all of the war, genocide, racism, sexism, classism, or any other form of discrimination you can think of is due to a lack of openness and flexibility in human worldviews/value systems.
It is thinking “my way is the right way and all of you are wrong.”
All of these atrocities come about due to the ego’s sense of superiority or worthiness of “having more” or being “more than” than the other.
And this usually is born from a deep-seated fear of the other, which virtually always comes from not truly understanding them, because the oppressor’s mind is not open and flexible enough to truly listen to, see, and empathize with the other.
A truly ego-aware world would not suffer from these collective problems.
An ego-aware world is an inclusive and harmonious place, cooperating rather than competing.
An ego-aware world is united in a sense of connection to something beyond themselves, operating in a manner that serves not just the well-being of one’s own self, but the well-being of all.
In an ego-aware world, you would not have to worry about falling through the cracks of society.
You wouldn’t have to push and strive and grind so hard in order to survive, for you would be taken care of by society-at-large.
You would have the space and sense of safety to get in touch with the deepest parts of yourself, nourish your unique skills, interests, and attributes, and cultivate the gifts you have to offer to the world.
The path towards creating this world starts with you.
It starts with your own personal transformation, which will directly coincide with how aware you become of your own ego.
The transformation you undergo will have a ripple effect into the collective, touching every being you encounter, and shaping the work you do in this world.
This will inspire other people to do the same, and one-by-one, people will begin looking deeper into their direct experience, gain more distance between their awareness and the reactive ways of ego, and with time, the structure of the world will reflect this collective transformation.
And THAT is why it is important to understand the ego, folks.
If this resonates with you, what I have to say in the remainder of this post will be highly relevant to your growth.
With this said, now we can ACTUALLY talk about what the ego is, on a fundamental level.
What is Ego? Understanding How the Mind Constructs Reality
Put simply, the ego is the mind’s operating program.
The function of this program is to construct a sense of self/personal identity that renders the individual as distinct from the world around them.
With this, the primary drive of this program becomes maintaining the survival and ensuring the thriving of this identity.
Dr. Susanne Cook-Greuter, former Harvard developmental psychologist, described ego as being “the central processing unit” for all incoming stimuli.
In other words, the ego becomes the filter through which Reality is interpreted.
With this, every sight, sound, feeling, thought, emotion, and sensation is relayed in our experience so as to ensure the well-being of our sense of self.
Of course, all organisms experience their own unique filter for ensuring their survival, but what makes human egos so complex is the role of language in shaping our experience.
Language is essentially collectively-shared symbolic abstractions projected onto reality.
With this, humans can assign shared meaning to objects, events, people, and experiences, opening an enormous door for heightened communication and increased abstraction in thinking.
Language allows groups of people to unite (or divide) through the sharing of experiences, ideas, stories, and feelings.
Language allows for people to reflect on the past and plan for the future, contemplate hypothetical situations, and imagine alternative realities.
And the ego is heavily shaped by this, allowing one to compare and self-evaluate themselves in relation to the world around them.
As the ego is comparing and evaluating, it accumulates beliefs in order to make sense of itself in relation to others.
“I am good at basketball.”
“In order to get what I want, I have to act nice.”
“I am the coolest person in the room.”
“Everyone hates me.”
As these beliefs take hold in one’s experience, they become sub-programs within the larger program of Ego.
That is, every experience, thought, emotion, and sensation is filtered through this accumulated web of beliefs.
And unless questioned, unless made an OBJECT in one’s experience, one will be governed by that belief forever, for better or for worse.
In essence, what makes language such a game-changer for the human experience is that one comes to inhabit a complex conceptual reality that overlays one’s direct experience.
A concept is a mental representation or idea that encapsulates the essential features, attributes, or qualities of a particular object, event, or experience.
Concepts include but are not limited to:
interpretation
memory
beliefs
assumptions
ideas
imagination
fantasies
visualizations
Really, a concept is anything that the mind produces to mimic an everyday perception or experience.
The thing is, most people don’t realize the true depth of how this conceptualizing mechanism IS LITERALLY CONSTRUCTING THEIR ENTIRE SENSE OF REALITY, and that concepts are not actually Reality itself.
Author Peter Ralston writes “We don’t recognize that we live entirely within a conceptual reality any more than a fish recognizes that water has always surrounded him.”
For example, one may be ingrained with the notion that sex before marriage is evil, that the political party they adhere to is the best, or that science is the only correct way to understand the world.
But these beliefs are only concepts, in that they represent what is taken to be true.
But, of course, these are not actually the truth itself.
Concepts are always created by the mind, and relayed through the filter of ego in order for itself to understand the world in a way that allows it to survive and thrive.
This part is key, “in a way that allows it to survive and thrive.”
Put simply, one will end up believing whatever it needs to, so most people will wind up absorbing similar ego structures as their parents, community, and culture-at-large.
This is because to go against these groups can be threatening to the individual’s survival, especially in groups with rigid, absolutist, fundamentalist beliefs.
But even standing out or being different in general can be very uncomfortable for the ego.
But let’s take this a step further.
Let’s take this beyond religious, political, and philosophical orientations.
Let’s take this to the very crux of the subject-object split that the ego generates.
The fundamental split the filter of ego generates is the split between self and other.
The ego, through language, carves distinctions within reality and ascribes labels to everything.
Me. Brother. Chair. Table. Refrigerator. Tree. Sky. Cloud. Trail. Christian. Jew. Buddhist. Democrat. Republican. Lizard. Dolphin. Donkey. Past. Future. Present. Beautiful. Ugly.
This, the world of language and concepts, is what we can think of as the relative domain of existence.
It is considered the relative domain because the mind constructs a conceptual reality relative to the observer.
This serves the function of helping the ego make sense of the world around itself.
But there is no inherent realness to these concepts.
They are just arbitrary distinctions within reality that have no absolute ground.
The Absolute Domain: Existence Beyond the Ego
There exists a completely different domain of existence, that is completely unknown to most people, which we can call the absolute domain of existence.
This absolute domain is the aspect of existence that exists independent of the filter of ego.
And because the filter of ego operates on the level of duality, “dual” meaning two, referring to the fundamental subject-object split it generates, the absolute domain is “non-dual.”
In a non-dual state, there is no sense of being a person who exists “here” with an outer world that exists “over there.”
Everything is one, as there is no perceived difference between self and other.
In this state, you cannot suffer because you are not operating from a finite, separate sense of self that could even suffer in the first place.
In this state, you can truly embody unconditional love, as you have no preferences or desires for one person/thing over another.
In this state, you are completely free, unbounded, and authentic.
You are completely Yourself.
The Buddhists refer to this as “enlightenment” or “nirvana.”
Zen Buddhists call a sudden insight into the absolute as a “satori.”
Peter Ralston calls it an “experience of real being.”
There are many other names for experiences of absolute consciousness.
Sudden glimpses into the absolute domain of existence often usher in radical transformation to a person.
The seeing beyond the self, the knowing that who one thought they were is not actually Who They Are, can be incredibly freeing, causing an individual to completely change their way of relating to life
But, this can also stir up confusion, inner turmoil, and ultimately suffering once the individual is back into their everyday ego structures.
We can think of these sudden glimpses as “spiritual highs”, and a spiritual high is sometimes met with a “spiritual low” afterwards, which is often called “The Dark Night of the Soul”, in which the individual is essentially “dying” on the ego-identity level, shedding parts of themselves that they held dearly to be true, but are no longer in alignment with their newfound awakening.
Often, when individuals experience initial spiritual highs (myself included) and are trying to figure out what happened to them and what to do about it, they can fall into this trap of trying to escape from or shed the ego completely.
This is what leads people to believing things like “the ego is the enemy”, “the ego has to die”, etc; which can lead to spiritual bypassing, where people display or “buff up” what they deem to be “spiritual” or “god-like” qualities such as love, compassion, acceptance, various displays of intelligence, and so on.
Through this, one may fail to take responsibility for their actions, bypass emotions in order to hold up their facade of equanimity, or invalidate others' concerns as being ego-driven and thus invalid.
These are just a few facets of spiritual ego, and I will dedicate next week’s post specifically to the intricacies and nuances of the spiritual ego.
But I make this point to emphasize that ego is not something you can simply escape or run away from.
The ego is wired into your DNA and neurological makeup. It isn’t going away.
But, it can be transcended, which is distinct from “removing” or “getting rid of” the ego.
As developmental psychology tells us, development occurs in a “transcend and include” fashion, meaning we transcend what limits us, but we always hold within us the core parts of us that shape who we are, that is the parts that “work” for us.
So I dedicate the next portion of this post to honoring the ego, describing to you all of its beauty and glory, so that you will more readily include it in your growth and transformation, rather than view it as the enemy.
Honoring The Ego: Why The Ego is Beautiful
Your ego is a beautiful entity, brilliantly crafted by the Universe through billions of years of evolution.
You are the product of life carrying out its function of self-preservation, generation after generation.
You would not be alive today otherwise.
The human form you exist in today would not even be possible to experience if it wasn’t for your ancestors’ egoic drives.
And without your humanness, you would miss out on so much of the beauty the human experience has to offer.
Without the ego, you would have no sense of individuality or identity.
And as we discussed, language plays an enormous role in shaping this sense of individuality, as language serves to increase the saliency of the distinctions consciousness makes within reality.
Without ego, and without language, you could never ascribe meaning to things, and so you would never be able to have the experience of sharing ideas, telling stories, or learning anything conceptual.
You would not be able to enjoy a novel, or a film.
You would not be able to experience art, or music.
There would have never been any scientific breakthroughs, no learning of mathematics, no studying of philosophy or politics, without ego.
Without ego, you would never have had the opportunity to experience the full range of human emotions, from a heart-shattering breakup to the euphoria of genuine love, connection, and deep companionship.
Without ego, you would never be able to experience the struggle of human life, and thus the growth that follows.
In other words, you would never have gone through the struggle of: Does he/she like me? Oh my god I need to get a good grade on this test coming up. Why did I say that stupid thing at the party? I wish I had as many friends as I had Instagram followers. Why am I not as confident as her? I hope my parents are proud of me. What should my major be in college?. What if I am making the wrong decision? What if I fail? I hope I will be able to afford a house. Will I have enough money to save for retirement? What do I even want? What do I actually want to do with my life? What is life anyway? Who am I? Why am I here?
There is profound beauty in all of this struggle.
Without the turmoil of identity confusion, uncertainty about the future, and existential crisis, you would never experience the satisfying wholeness of finding and defining who you really are.
The same is true for collective ego.
Without ego, there would have never been any wars, slavery, rape, genocide, or racism.
But, there would have never been a possibility to learn lessons had these atrocities never happened.
Higher consciousness can only exist as an outgrowth of lower consciousness.
That’s how evolution works.
Without ego, you would not be living in this highly complex and sophisticated society, in the most peaceful, well-off era in all of human history.
You probably take for granted the fact that you have a roof over your head, easy access to clean water and food, and are living in a peaceful region.
The majority of people in a society having all three of these is a relatively new feature of human existence.
And this progress would not be possible without the cleverness of the human ego, which seeks to self-preserve in more efficient and higher-order ways.
Do you see what is happening here within this Human Game we are all playing?
We are learning, growing, and evolving!
Yes, the ego has generated massive amounts of suffering and caused chaos, both individually and collectively.
But through the suffering and chaos, we eventually leap to a new level of consciousness.
The ego becomes more open and flexible.
As you suffer, learn and grow, you become:
more appreciative of different points of view
more accepting of diverse groups of people
more comfortable with uncertainty and change
more empathic and express greater concern for everyone/everything.
more capable of holding paradoxes and contradictions
less fear-based
more love-based
less rigid
more open
And as this growth occurs collectively, a society with these same qualities sprouts into existence.
Similar growth in the last several decades has been responsible for:
LGBTQ+ rights and acceptance
Civil Rights movements
Greater environmental consciousness
Greater gender equality
Less wars occurring
And so much more.
None of this progress would not have been possible without lower, more rigid ego structures clashing and causing chaos.
This chaos caused lots of suffering, and required a new, more open, expansive, and flexible awareness in order to transcend what generated the chaos.
It isn’t a mystery why the loving, open, peaceful hippie archetype sprouted into existence shortly after the most brutal war in human history (WW2).
Collective ego development is precisely the reason why the 21st century has been the relatively most peaceful era in human history.
Of course, this does not take away from the fact that there is still so much progress that needs to be made in the world.
But do you see what is happening here?
We are moving towards wholeness!
From separation to oneness.
From duality to non-duality.
The ego has allowed for so many beautiful things to be experienced:
The experience of being an individual
The ability to reflect on experience and seek meaning
The experience of growth and self-actualization
The ability to forgive others
The creation and appreciation of art, literature, and music
Scientific discoveries and technological innovations
The formation of deep, meaningful relationships and communities.
And much more.
And the best part is, as you move towards ego-transcendence, you don’t have to give up any of these beautiful, core aspects of what ego has allowed for.
Remember, development occurs in a “transcend and include” fashion.
You transcend what limits you, but always include the core parts of you.
You will have access to the ego’s way of making meaning and seeing the world forever, but in ego-transcendence your consciousness leaps into the absolute domain.
The relative domain is encapsulated inside the absolute domain, meaning that you can still engage in everyday human affairs, but you do so from a radically expanded consciousness.
The Limitation of Ego: Moving Towards Ego Transcendence
The thing is, the ego can only get you so far.
It can only get us so far as a species in terms of collective peace, harmony, and cooperation.
There are limits to the sense of love, freedom, and authenticity that can be experienced in the relative domain of existence.
This is because to live in ego is to live within separation.
This is the fundamental subject-object split that is generated via the ego’s filter for reality.
But, ultimately, this filter does not show us what is real.
Crafted through billions of years of evolution, the filter is only a mechanism to serve the function of self-preservation.
And what appears through this filter is ultimately just an appearance.
The filter causes reality to appear in a way that is FOR the ego’s benefit, but if one is solely identified with the appearances of the filter, reality AS itself cannot be experienced.
With ego consciousness, there is always a sense of separation, or duality within your experience.
And this ego consciousness ultimately closes down:
A true grasping of the nature of reality
Direct experience of the present moment
Unconditional love and acceptance (the ego judges and creates conditions)
Inner peace regardless of circumstance (ego is always trying to get what it wants)
True authenticity (ego creates masks and personas)
Ability to deeply listen to others (ego is caught up in its own thoughts and projections of others)
When you leap into the absolute domain, all of these points (and much more) become possible because you are free from identification with ego.
You become directly aware of your infinite nature, your oneness with everyone and everything, and your true essence (being) which transcends the human form.
You realize who you thought you were is not Who You Actually Are.
And I know this sounds quite mystical schmystical, but that’s precisely because it is.
Again, this is a deeply spiritual thing we are talking about here, because it deals with becoming directly aware of the nature of reality. That is, getting in touch With You Actually Are.
And Who You Actually Are (absolute self) is pure, unbounded, infinite, consciousness.
Who You Actually Are is:
The boundless space in which all phenomena arise and dissolve
The unconditional love that embraces all of existence
The source of all creativity and potential
Everyone
Everything
Everywhere
God
Again, this is who you are ABSOLUTELY, on the relative level you are the human ego self.
If more people were operating from this state of consciousness, that is, aware of their nature as the whole of Reality, naturally all the parts (individual selves) would harmonize to serve the well-being of the whole (the Earth)
To better explain this analogy, think of how the trillions of cells in your body are working together to create you (the whole).
When you are healthy, all of your cells (the parts) are working together in harmony.
But when you have cancer, some of your cells have gone rogue and start serving their own selfish needs.
Unless stopped by other cells devoted to maintaining the well-being of the whole, the rogue cells will kill the entire organism, counterintuitively killing themselves in the process, because they relied on the whole for their existence.
Likewise, every individual human is a cell within the larger fabric of life on planet Earth.
The most cancerous humans are the ones most fixated on their own selfish interests (especially the ones in positions of power), leading them to destroy the environment, and create division/separation/disharmony between other humans.
Selfish and divisive ideologies such as Nazism have threatened our existence in the past, and the environmental fallout of humanity’s selfish ways will be another problem we face in the future.
If human influence rendered the environment uninhabitable for life, our legacy would literally be that of a cancer.
That is, a rogue species whose self-serving interests lead to the destruction of the whole.
Whatever the issue, chaos, division, separation, disharmony, and suffering always occur because people are not operating from a state of knowing their true nature.
They are too fused to their egos, leading to various pockets of the collective ego developing a different agenda, belief system, and overall meaning-making structure, leading them to assert their wants over others, giving rise to polarization, discrimination, violence, destruction, chaos, disharmony, etc.
This is why ego development and consciousness work is so important.
If people were operating from a more expanded, open, and flexible way of being, the rigid, competitive, fear-based ego structures responsible for so much of the chaos in the world would give way to an open, cooperating, more love-based consciousness that allows the whole to function more harmoniously.
In reading these words it can be easy to view the ego as something you must get rid of or transcend as fast as possible.
I want to emphasize again that the ego IS NOT the enemy.
Remember, the ego has allowed for so much beauty to be experienced, it is a core part of our humanity.
And know that you don’t have to become some completely ego-transcended, enlightened master who basks in the Absolute 24/7.
I certainly don’t claim to be that!
Becoming fixated on that ideal stems from the ego’s desire for self-inflation anyway.
But what I am inviting you towards is to become more and more aware of the tendencies of your ego.
Get curious about the thoughts that pop into your mind, the emotions that bubble into your awareness, and how the body reacts to all of this.
Meditate. Self-reflect. Journal. Dive into your shadow. Expose yourself to more experience. Push your comfort zone a little. Learn new things. Meet new people. Travel.
The Ego Develops Through Stages of Increasing Openness And Flexibility
When you illuminate more and more of Yourself, you will find your way of being to be more open and flexible, which is the hallmark of a maturing ego.
When you take this development to the end of the road, awareness eventually expands beyond the separate-self mode of operation entirely.
There exists entire, highly complex and nuanced stage theories, backed by decades of research, describing all of the ins and outs of human ego development.
I won’t explain them here because that would take far too long, but you can read my previous post, The Big Picture of Personal Development, to get a general understanding of what I am talking about.
You can also read my previous posts about Ego Development or Spiral Dynamics to get an understanding of each of the stage theories, or my video on Integral Theory which is basically a synthesis of the 3 posts I just mentioned.
But to explain in terms that are simple and value-packed here, Subject-Object Theory, created by Harvard Developmental Psychologist Robert Kegan, explains how the SUBJECT at one stage of development becomes an OBJECT in awareness at the next stage.
The general idea behind this theory is that there are certain aspects of one’s experience that are embedded in one’s sense of self and cannot be seen objectively.
For example, the sense of self of a fundamentalist Christian is fused to his religious beliefs.
To him, the Bible is the word of God. Therefore, what the Bible says is literally what reality is for him.
If he were to mature and develop, he would be able to gain distance from these beliefs, allowing him to self-reflect and introspect on if they are really true or not.
To briefly describe this subject to object mechanism playing out across the developmental stages:
1. Impulse-driven stage (EDT symbiotic, SDi Beige)
Subject: Immediate reactionary impulses and needs
2. Self-Protective Stage (EDT Opportunist, SDi Red)Subject: Self-interest, concrete rules of the tribe/community, consequences
Object: Impulses and immediate needs (can now regulate and reflect on to some degree)
3. Conformist Stage (EDT Conformist, SDi Blue)Subject: Group norms, values, expectations, roles (this is where a religious fundamentalist would operate from)
Object: Self-interest, concrete rules of the tribe/community (can now see personal desires in contrast to group desires/values/norms)
4. Self-Questioning Stage (EDT Expert, SDi Early Orange)Subject: Personal identity, goals, and values
Object: Group norms, values, expectation, roles (one is now differentiating themselves from the conformist herd, so group values are seen as object, allowing personal identity/values to be further shaped)
5. Autonomous Stage (EDT Achiever, SDi Late Orange/Green)Subject: Authenticity, self-fulfillment, self-authorship
Object: Personal identity, goals, values (by making Expert identity an object, they become focused on reshaping their identity again in a more authentic way)
6. Pluralist/Relativistic Stage (EDT Pluralist, SDi Green)Subject: Relativism, contextual truth, multiperspectivalism, appreciation of diversity
Object: Self-authorship, drive for self-fulfillment (one sees limitations of purely individual focus, embraces a higher, more collective focus)
7. Integral Stage (EDT Strategist, SDi Yellow)
Subject: Systems thinking, integration of multiple perspectives, interdependence, interconnectedness
Object: Relativism, contextual truth, multiperspectivalism, diversity (sees limits of purely contextual thinking, desire for an integration of perspectives arises)
8. Unitive Stage (EDT Construct-aware/Unitive, SDi Turquoise)
Subject: Non-dual awareness, direct experience of Being
Object: Constructs of systems thinking, interdependence, interconnected (anything conceptual and ego-created)
This outline is just that, an outline. Don’t take it too seriously.
No person or group is ever just at one stage, different parts of ourselves exist within the various stages, and the happenings of life bring out these different parts of us.
But also notice the underlying pattern here.
At each stage, our personal filter for reality (our ego) changes a bit.
The filter becomes less narrow-minded and individualistic, and more open, flexible, and with a broader, more holistic concern.
The reason for this change is because we become increasingly AWARE of the way our minds have been molded to view reality.
As we gain this awareness, we take a step back in consciousness and become more able to see our identity, belief systems, values, thought patterns, habits, and emotions as an OBJECT in awareness, allowing ourselves to reflect on and introspect on these aspects.
From there, we become more able to transcend what limits us, ushering in a new way of being.
How to Develop + Final Words
In this post, we discussed:
Why common cultural understandings of ego are incomplete
Why understanding the ego is so important
What the ego actually is
The relative vs absolute domains of existence
Why the ego is beautiful
The limitations of ego consciousness
The stages of ego development through the lens of Subject-object Theory
Everything I layed out here is all of the knowledge I have about the ego, based on my learnings of psychology, various spiritual philosophies, and stage theories of development, as well as my several years of direct experience in practices (meditation, contemplation, daily journaling, psychedelics) that have illuminated the inner workings of my own ego.
What you have read here are the fundamentals of the inner workings of this operating system, or filter, that has defined your sense of self and shaped your experience of reality for the entirety of your life.
Getting to know this operating system is extremely important, for it is responsible for all meaning you create in your life, everything you believe, and basically all of your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and motivations.
In all of us, there are aspects of this operating system that are highly functional and serve us well, but there are other aspects of this operating system that are withholding us from a deeper, more peaceful, intimate, blissful, and enjoyable existence.
This post is just meant to get you started, the real work comes from your own consistent and dedicated practice of illuminating the inner workings of your own ego.
Here is a huge list of things you can try to boost your ego development:
Intaking new perspectives via books, podcasts, videos, and films
Writing about the perspectives or talking about them with people to harmonize them in your mind
Following your curiosities
Following what makes you excited
Following your heart
Getting out of your comfort zone
Asking yourself questions and deeply contemplating them
Spending intentional time in Nature
Stream of consciousness journaling
Art (painting, drawing, writing, etc.)
Self-inquiry
Meditation
Intentional psychedelic use
Hiring a life coach
Living at your edge
Embracing suffering
Traveling to a foreign country
Hanging out with cool people that make you think different
The key driver behind all growth & maturation is AWARENESS, so the intent behind all of these practices is to more deeply illuminate the fullness of who you are.
But don’t take any of this too seriously.
Enjoy your life. Do what makes you and others happy.
Growth and development for the most part should not be a chore.
For the longest time I unconsciously was operating from the belief that I had to transcend the ego as fast as possible, because that’s how I thought I could help the most people.
It may have been a noble desire, but it was also in the mentality of trying to get away from or get rid of the ego.
It was ego trying to escape ego.
I was the snake biting its own tail.
This caused me to become overly fixated on my own growth.
I would become hard on myself for not “progressing” as fast as I thought I should, which took me far away from the present moment, grasping/desiring to be elsewhere.
It seems counterintuitive that to progress you have to be content with an appearance of “not progressing”, but I suppose that’s what progress is now.
At this point, to truly progress would be to let go of the idea of progress, as these stage theories can appeal to the ego, causing it to fiercely desire reaching the end.
Anyway, I hope this post was helpful to you.
Offers
If it was, and you want to make a wise investment into your growth, consider my 10 week coaching program Spiritual Fitness in order to accelerate this process.
This program is more affordable than other life-coaching programs, and results are guaranteed so long as you put in the required 5 hours of exercises per week.
In addition, consider joining the Soulful Synergy Sanctuary, it’s an online community I built a couple months ago with the intention of uniting people on the path of self-actualization and spiritual growth.
We have weekly community calls every sunday, and meditation hour every wednesday.
I hope to see you there!
As always guys, have a great day and peace!